Dec. 11, 2009
By Alice D. Domar, Ph.D, founder/executive director of the Domar Center for Mind/Body Health and author of “Conquering Infertility”
For many individuals and couples who are experiencing infertility, December can be a cruel reminder of what they are missing.
There is an enormous focus on children and babies, and many people mark each holiday season by the number of years they have not had children to buy for. Even the normal asylum of a church may not feel protective this time of year, with the focus on miracle of conception and birth.
Although some can get into the spirit of the season despite their infertility, most cannot. Thus, if you find this time of year tough to cope with, it is crucial to practice the practical skill of self-preservation.
You can now officially consider yourself under the doctor’s order to care for yourself this holiday season. This means …
- Avoiding the mall and all toy stores. If there are children you need to buy for, either order things by catalog or on the Internet, and have them wrapped and directly shipped. Do not put yourself in the position of buying and wrapping toys. If you absolutely feel you need to buy things yourself, go to a bookstore and buy the books which were your favorites as a child (think “Blueberries for Sal” …).
- Avoid going to church at your normal times. Christmas Eve midnight mass tends to have very few small children but other services can be overwhelming.
- If there are holiday parties where you know or suspect there will be children or babies and you don’t want to go, be aware that those moms won’t want you there since you have a stomach bug (or sore throat or a touch of the flu).
- If your siblings have children and family gatherings are uncomfortable for you, plan to arrive late and/or leave early.
- Think of traditions that you and your partner can create together for the holidays.
- Consider doing something totally different – some couples decide to go away to couples-only resorts where they can focus on each other.
- Whatever you decide to do this holiday season, try not to focus on what people expect of you or what you think you should be doing. Try to have empathy for what you are going through and care for yourself the best way you know how.
Things to remember
- Review and have an understanding of all the medications prior to the start of a cycle
- Call your doctor’s office when instructed for cycle start
- Anticipate your fertility medication refill needs
- Your dosages may increase or decrease during your cycle
- Always have your questions answered
- Remember there is no such thing as a stupid question
- Use resources such as your nurses, your doctor, your clinic’s Web site and Village Fertility Pharmacy’s Web site (www.villagefertilitypharmacy.com)
