4 Ways Women Can Cope With Infertility

As seen in "Quips and Tips for Couples Coping With Infertility" - Click to view post online

By Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen 

Dealing with the stress of infertility is different for everyone. Here’s how four women are coping with not conceiving….perhaps you’ll find inspiration and hope here (and certainly a dose of reality! that’s both good and bad).

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering,” says Pooh in Pooh’s Little Instruction Book, which was inspired by A.A. Milne.

One way to cope with infertility is to do nothing. Just go along, and listen to all the things you can’t hear…it’s both easy and difficult to just let go of your fears and concerns. For more info on stress management, click on the book 10 Simple Solutions to Stress: How to Tame Tension and Start Enjoying Your Life by Claire Michaels Wheeler.

To learn how four real women are coping with infertility, read on…

How Some Women Are Coping With Infertility

1. Acupuncture & exercise. Linda says, “As someone who went through fertility treatments for three years after trying on our own for two years, I’m not sure there is any way to “cope.” My infertility was deemed unexplained until I hit 42 and my hormones began changing. I think the doctor was relieved to have a reason why I couldn’t get pregnant then. The

stress reliever that worked for me at the time was acupuncture and exercise. I tried everything else ... special diets, feng shui, meditation, hypnosis, psychics, praying, reading, chiropractic treatments, yoga. You name it, I did it. What ultimately made us give up was money. Our insurance didn’t cover a dime of the treatments and after three years we had emptied our bank account. Now 44, I find I’m still unable to give up even with the help of organizations like Resolve. I imagine it will just take time — or menopause — to accept the truth. I also believe every person is different and there can’t be one way of coping.”

- Linda Verdon

2. Distractions. Kelly says, “We pretty much withdrew from the world during much of this time. Only our closest friends knew what we were going through, but even they couldn’t understand the pain we were experiencing. I got good at protecting myself and not putting myself in situations where I would suffer - like baby showers.

My husband and I tried to see the humor in things, and watched a lot of movies. I read a lot. Basically, I looked for ways to distract myself from the pain we were in. Did it help? A little. But that time in my life just basically sucked on most levels.”

- Kelly James-Enger, coauthor of The Belated Baby: A Guide to Parenting after Infertility.

3. Support Groups. Nicole says, “I was 31 years old and had been married for one month when I found out that I couldn’t get pregnant. I am a carrier of Fragile X Syndrome and one side effect of that is Diminished Ovarian Reserve. I remember clearly sitting alone across the desk from the doctor, at the one appointment that my husband, Chris, couldn’t attend. The Dr. said, “Nicole, you have less than a ½ of 1% chance of ever having a biological child.” Now, you would think that that would sound pretty close to zero. But, Chris and I decided that we had to try at least one time.

We started immediately with an IVF cycle which was a spectacular failure. After the first check at Day 7, the nurse called me and said that my body just wasn’t responding at all. Nothing. After that, Chris and I decided to move forward with an egg donor and now have two incredible children. We couldn’t have done it without our two support groups - one being a large, general infertility support group. The other was a small group focused on egg donor recipients. We made some lifelong friends in the smaller group.”

- Nicole Witt, Executive Director of The Adoption Consultancy

4. Never lose hope. Elise says, “When I first started experiencing infertility, I was 35 and I already had one child. I had become pregnant easily the first time, so I wasn’t expecting any problems the second time. My husband and I ended up trying for 4 years to have another child, and after 5 pregnancy losses, I finally sought the help of a reproductive endocrinologist.

The way I coped during those years was to never lose hope that I would have another child, and to remind myself how lucky I was to have my daughter. It wasn’t always easy; it seemed everywhere I looked I saw pregnant women. Then I would feel sad and depressed and wonder why it wasn’t me who was pregnant – and yet, I was determined that we would have another child. After one failed attempt at IVF, we ended up adopting a baby girl from China.

A year before we traveled to China, I started working at Village Fertility Pharmacy. I understand first-hand what our patients are experiencing, and it is very rewarding to help other women realize their dream of becoming a parent.”

- Elise Varkonyi, Village Fertility Pharmacy

What do you think?

Do you have any suggestions for couples coping with infertility? What worked for you, and why? Or, what didn’t work for you? http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogbaby/